Confessions of a bottle-feeding mum...

Before I even start I want to clarify a couple of things:

1. I fully, totally, 100% understand why breastfeeding is best - I devoted many hours when Bumble was a bump to reading about breastfeeding, it's benefits for mum and baby and how to go about it.
2. I really, really wanted to breastfeed Bumble, if not for the recommended 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding, then certainly until 4 months, when we will start to think about weaning (more on that in another post).
3. I know that the NHS has to campaign for and "sell" breastfeeding because it is the best for babies.

There is a problem though, that no-one mentions when you are pregnant - breastfeeding does not work out for all mums.  In the ante-natal classes I attended, there was barely a mention of bottle feeding except as a "you can express if you want after 4 weeks" throwaway line.  Even when speaking to my, very experienced, midwife breastfeeding was assumed ("so you'll be breastfeeding won't you?") and bottle feeding was only mentioned as a (very poor) second choice.  

Now, as I said, I'd read books, leaflets, articles etc. about breastfeeding before Bumble arrived and I was aware that establishing breastfeeding is often difficult but rather naively I assumed that with perseverance and determination we would crack it and all would be well...

However, after Bumble arrived it rapidly became apparent that a) he found breastfeeding very difficult (he was later diagnosed with, and treated for, a tongue tie) and that b) demand waaaaayyy outstripped supply (best guess as to why my milk never "came in" is that I had a significant post-partum bleed).    Despite these two very evident truths, we were

still advised to keep going with breastfeeding - the end result of this was a baby who lost a lot of weight and became dehydrated, not to mention parents at their wits end.  

At 4 days, after some very sensible advice from a midwife at the local hospital, we gave Bumble his first bottle of formula and the poor baby wasn't hungry or thirsty for the first time in his little life (he'd cried himself hoarse he was so beside himself...).

At 8 days I realised that trying to feed him every time he was hungry, then having to top up with a bottle was completely unsustainable for a variety of reasons and so, for the rest of his first 4 weeks, I breastfed once a day and gave him formula the rest of the time.  Since then he has been (happily) completely formula fed.  Meanwhile, I spent the first two weeks of Bumble's life feeling horribly guilty that it hadn't worked out and "getting over" the feeling that I had let him down.

And therein lies the problem.  Breastfeeding is sold and pushed at every opportunity, for reasons that I completely understand, but whilst I'm sure that it does mean that more mums breastfeed (I assume that unless this were the case, the funding would have been scrapped long ago!) it also means that many, many mums who wanted to breastfeed and found that they couldn't for whatever reason have to deal with this immense guilt whilst also trying to care for their newborn baby and deal with post partum hormones etc.  

I don't have a solution - breastfeeding is best for mums and babies - I have read the journal articles and seen the stats.  Given that this is the case, the NHS has to promote it but, the immense pressure I felt to breastfeed simply made a distressing situation that much worse.

Now, Bumble is a happy, healthy 12 week old who has put weight on beautifully and sleeps really well (fingers crossed that this continues!).  He has hit his milestones slightly early and is generally a chilled out baby.  In hindsight, the distress I felt about giving him formula (which I really did see as a poor second) was pointless - and as our NCT leader pointed out - the key thing is that you are feeding your baby something!  If I'm really honest, I'm even relieved that it didn't work out as it has meant that Bumble's dad has been able (and very happy) to take care of Bumble for longer periods and give me some time away!