3 things you should never say to a Mother

        

There are a couple of things random people in the street, at baby groups, in restaurants or even outside our front door say to me week in, week out that are really getting annoying.

1. You've got your hands full

This seems to be a reaction to the small age gap between my boys - I currently have a 23 month old and a 3 month old. This to me implies either that my boys are in some way not behaving as expected (and when this is the case I certainly don't need it highlighting when I'm trying to deal with it) or that I am in some way unaware that parenting a young toddler and a baby simultaneously might, on occasion, be challenging.  Let me assure you that I have in fact noticed this.  Sometimes I do, quite literally, have my hands full but most of the time actually it's tiring but very good fun!

2. Did you want them so close?

What a question. You're basically asking if we know how to use contraception or if R2 was the result of a failure of said

contraception. To be clear, we do and he wasn't but I shouldn't have to discuss either of these points with strangers in the  street/supermarket/baby group.

This is also dangerous ground - you don't know if a couple struggled to conceive or had a specific reason for needing their children to be close. It's also absolutely nobody's business but the couple's.

3. Are you going to try again for a girl?

This is just beyond me. Firstly, genders are not a set you have to complete. I have two beautiful, healthy boys - if we choose to have a 3rd child I have absolutely no preference about the gender of that child. Secondly, it implies I should be dissatisfied with my two boys in some way.  This is a continuation of something I found when I was pregnant the second time and knew that I was expecting another boy.  I was frequently asked if I was disappointed that R2 was male and people seemed quite surprised by my response - "No, I am not disappointed that I am having a healthy baby". 

The other problem with this question is that the size of our family is between me and my husband, it is not for people in cafes or supermarkets to question our plans. I only had R2 3 months ago, I have only just got used to having two children - the idea of whether or not in a year or two we might add to that is just beyond me at the moment so I couldn't even answer if I wanted to.

I am a pretty open person and happily discuss these issues with my close friends but I would suggest that those people who have never met me or my family before yet find it reasonable to ask about the most intimate areas of my life might be better off thinking of something positive or supportive to say about my two perfect boys. 

7 reasons to vaccinate your kids

I am sick of seeing (and hearing about) anti-vaxxers and their frankly bizarre and dangerous agenda. Having taken R2 for his 8 week jabs today I was musing on just how essential this is.  Was it nice holding him as he had 3 injections (2 in his right leg and 1 in the left)? No, of course not. Would it be worse if he caught any one of the diseases he was vaccinated against? Absolutely. 

As far as I can see this is a no-brainer but just in case I can think of not 1 but 7 percent reasons to vaccinate your kids.

1. It could save their life. Literally.  Whooping cough, diptheria, measles, meningitis - all these (and some others that we vaccinate against) killed large numbers of children in the days before vaccination and sadly continue to kill unvaccinated children across the globe today.  If you need to see just how horrendous Whooping Cough is, Google the video of the Australian baby boy shortly he died from it aged just four weeks.

2.  Vaccines are safe and effective. Let's reiterate - the MMR vaccine does not cause autism (and even if it did, how can you possibly argue that death is a better risk?).  Nor do the trace amounts of elements such as Mercury have any effect either immediate or long term. The long term effect of vaccination is immunity to some horrible illnesses!

3. You can help save the lives of vulnerable children (and adults). Some kids genuinely can't have vaccines due to weakened immune systems. Some have damaged immune systems such as those undergoing chemotherapy. These people rely on herd immunity which is achieved when roughly 90-95% of the community are vaccinated - without this, these vulnerable people are exposed to these awful diseases which are even more dangerous for them.

4. You could prevent your child from developing a life altering disability. Many of the diseases we vaccinate against have life altering side effects such as blindness, brain damage and muscle wasting.

5. We can rid the world of these diseases for good. We no longer need a smallpox vaccine because of the vaccination program which eradicated it globally in the late 70s. If we all vaccinate our children, perhaps they won't need to vaccinate their children (or maybe more realistically their grandchildren) against measles, rubella or polio and these diseases won't ever be able to kill or maim another person.

6. We may be unable to treat these diseases soon.  Many bacteria are developing antibiotic resistance which makes treating some of these diseases much more difficult. At some point, frighteningly soon, we may not be able

to treat them at all. Those who haven't been vaccinated are much more likely to become seriously ill or die from these diseases when we reach this point.

7. You can save your children's lives. OK so I know this is the same as 1 but seriously do you need any other reason? 

 

And then there were four...

So, R2 arrived almost 4 weeks ago, fashionably late just like his older brother and following a slightly more challenging birth (everyone told be the second would be easier...total rubbish in my case!).  When I told people I was pregnant again, those with two (or more!) kids were split into two clearly defined camps: the "two is more than two" group and the "zero to one is harder than one to two" group.  The former spent a lot of time telling me that having two kids under two is more like starting your own nursery, alone, with no training than being a parent and the latter spent a lot of time reassuring me that actually adding an extra child doesn't double (or worse!) the work load! Almost 4 weeks in, I'm currently a member of the second group.  I found first time parenthood excruciatingly difficult and this time has been easier - I'm more confident and when R2 is being newborn draining, I have my cheery, busy, endlessly engaging Bumble to focus on. Bumble is absolutely besotted with R2, even if he does sometimes find it frustrating that my need to feed R2 interferes with his need for me to play kitchens/build a train track/pick him up right NOW! I am scared about going solo next week with my OH goes back to work after nearly a month of hols & paternity leave - by this time next week I might have changed camps, but I hope not!