To wean or not to wean

Well, Bumble is 4 months old and Bumble's Dad and I are looking at weaning.  This seems to be yet another topic where the NHS, NCT etc are absolutely militant about babies needing to be 6 months before they start on solid foods.  This is discussed under the heading of "it's harmful to your baby not to wait until 6 months".  Having a background in stats, and a natural desire to be an "evidence based parent" (and seeing scant evidence in any NHS publication) I decided to have a look at the research that is out there.  (If you are interested I'd recommend looking at the Cochrane library) It seems that the amount of high quality research into this topic is limited.  The key conclusion of the decent research is that weaning before 12 weeks is linked to a higher risk of diabetes, obesity and related health problems in later life.  However, from four months there is no associated increase in risk and it seems from some small studies that waiting until 6 months could itself be detrimental.  

The NHS publications reference WHO guidelines which do recommend waiting until "the middle of a baby's first year" (interpretation of that could be interesting in itself) but any awareness that the WHO guidelines have to give the safest option for all babies (some of whom are growing up in unsanitary conditions in the third world where access to clean water etc is very limited) is sorely lacking.  The WHO also recommend breastfeeding for 2 years - again, having looked at the research, the major factor behind this recommendation seems to be that breast milk is the safest drink in some areas of the world.  

As the evidence based parenting guide "Bumpology" says - the current NHS advice is to wait until 6 months but there is no evidence to suggest that weaning between 4 and 6 months is harmful to your baby.  So, now we are beyond 4 months if Bumble's dad and I decide to offer him (suitable) solids at least I feel confident that we won't be setting him up for long term health issues based on current research!

One anecdotal aside - I am yet to meet a single parent who did wait until 6 months to start weaning...

The first four months

So, Bumble is 16 weeks old - 16 of the longest & fastest weeks of my life.  I can't believe that we've got this far already.  I guess what I want to do is reflect on the best bits, the worst bits, the things I wish I worried about less and those I should have worried about more and look forward to the next 16 weeks!

The best bits - in no specific order - the first smile; the first laugh; seeing my husband being the amazing father I knew he would be; the endless wonder of a baby experiencing the world; so many firsts (swim, walk in the park, wedding, night away etc etc etc) and growing in confidence in my "mummy skills".

The worst bits - the sleep deprivation; the physical recovery; the endless fear that something will happen to him; his first illness; jabs and the breastfeeding failure.

I do wish I'd worried less about my ability to keep Bumble happy and listened to my husband when he told me just getting through each day is enough at the beginning. 

I wish I'd realised earlier that I am enough for Bumble and that Bumble's dad will fill in any gaps - parenting is most definitely a team sport! 

I wish I'd been able to worry less about things beyond my control and possibly worried more about making sure that I got as much rest/food/help as I needed.  

I still wish I could feel less guilty about leaving when I go out for a run or shopping or with friends but I guess that's something that I'll either get used to or will get less as Bumble ages.  

But, it has been an amazing journey and I can't wait to experience the highs (and lows) of the next 16 weeks.  As hard as it is to believe, in 16 weeks my maternity leave will almost be over and we'll be facing a whole new set of challenges but in the meantime we've got weaning, sitting up, rolling over and probably even crawling to look forward to, not to mention many, many more smiles! 

Don't tell anyone, but...

I have a baby who sleeps.  For whatever reason, Bumble sleeps through.  He did his first 5hr stretch (this is the medical definition of sleeping through- crazy huh?) at 6 weeks, by 9 weeks he was doing 10pm ish to 6am ish and for the last couple he's been doing 8pm ish until 6am ish.  He is not a quiet sleeper and is still in our room (although that will change come the weekend as he's outgrown his Moses Basket) so I'm still woken every couple of hours but I don't have to get out of bed/feed him/change him so don't "properly" wake up.  Now, all this is fantastic (I continually thank whatever it is that brought about this miracle) but it does make me somewhat of a pariah in new mum circles.  In fact, I usually just stay very quiet during the inevitable "how's ... sleeping?" conversation! And, do you know what? I don't blame them.  If I was still getting up 2 and 3 times in the night at 16+ weeks, I wouldn't want to know about the baby who gives his parents 10+ hours consistently at 13 weeks! 

I'm also realistic, I know it won't last - at least in the sense that when Bumble starts teething/is poorly/just decides not to sleep - I will be right there with everyone else at 3am, wishing for a good night's sleep; but, for the time being, I'm just going to enjoy not feeling totally knackered all the time! 

The Curse of the Mummy (Tummy)

So, that "eating for two" business - I wish I'd listened to the people who told me it was rubbish! 

In my first trimester (actually until 17 weeks ish) I had nausea 24/7.  I was never actually sick - I just felt like I wanted to be constantly.  It was particularly bad if I ate anything sweet. So by 18 weeks, I'd put on less than 1/2 a stone even though I'd gone from being in the gym 3 or 4 times a week to never due to the sickness! 

However, once this lifted, I ate whatever I fancied, whenever I fancied it! So by the time I gave birth, 13 long days late, I was 5st heavier than at the start.  2 days after giving birth, I'd lost 1.5st.  Since then, I've lost another 1/2 st but that still has me weighing in almost 3st heavier than the day I found out I was pregnant. 

Now, I should explain - I used to be fat.  At the end of Uni, I was a similar weight to now.  In February 2010, after 6 years together, my husband proposed and I decided, after seeing our engagement party photos, that something had to change, in short, I wanted to be a sl bride! So I started running (the Couch to 5k programme) and watching the calories and by the time we got married in August 2011, I had lost over 3st.  

The next two years I carried on running 3 or more times a week, running a half marathon in September 2012 and generally enjoying being fit and slim for the first time in my life.  

It is, to say the least, disheartening to know I have the same road to tread again .  But, 2 things are keeping me going! 1) I've done it before, I can do it again (I have a very supportive husband who is more than happy to have Bumble as many evenings as I want so I can work out) and 2) my favourite little black dress - in a style which would currently make me look like a hovercraft - which I am determined to be able to fit in by New Year's Eve.

Today, I started Couch to 5k again - happily it wasn't quite as difficult as I remember from the first time around! By Christmas, the aim is to be a size 12 again and able to run a 5k.

Yes, my tummy will never be quite the same as before, but I know if I stick with the diet/exercise regime - I can be a yummy mummy yet! 

One of the photos that inspired the first weight loss!

Me, just before my half marathon September 2012. 

What's in a name?

Well, in Bumble's case about 100 man hours!

As I hope is obvious, Bumble is not his real name but it is his "bump" name.  It took us an unbelievable amount of time to come up with his real name.

Both Bumble's dad and I are secondary school teachers - this made finding a name that didn't remind either one of us of a "trying" child nigh on impossible.  Now don't get me wrong, I've taught any number of fantastic Jacks, Harrys and Maxs but it's always the really difficult kids with these names that come to mind first. 

So, we started with a baby name book and proceeded to cross out every "definitely not" name (the whole section of J names was just ignored - as any teacher will tell you, there are a disproportionate number of naughty boys with J names!).  This narrowed 2400 names down to 11 but took hours!

Over the next 10 weeks we slowly got this down to 3 which we both liked. Bumble's first name was eventually chosen (by Dad) about 3hrs after his birth which is why on his hospital tags he was simply "Babyboy Dee".

Oddly (although perhaps, on reflection, unsurprisingly) Bumble's middle names were easier to decide on! I was really keen for him to have my husband's name as a middle name, I don't know why but it really is important to me.  

My husband is a Physicist and his hero is Richard Feynman, a genuinely amazing guy - if you ever have a spare hour or so I thoroughly recommend looking up "The Pleasure of Finding Things Out" - so Bumble's other middle name is Feynman.  I have given up trying to explain this one and now just say yes when asked if it's a family name!  The misspellings are hilarious and bizarrely still happen after I've written his name down for people...

So, I guess we've provided him with a challenge - but an interesting reason for his name.  

Baby clothing breakdown

Baby clothes are driving me mad. Not because they are so small they easily get lost or because I am constantly washing them but because I have no idea what size to buy...EVER! 

As I've already mentioned, Bumble is a long baby - he's somewhere around the 91st (per)centile so, I expected him to be in "older" sizes early.  What I didn't expect is that baby clothing sizes are more variable than women's clothing sizes - a feat I would have deemed impossible a few months ago! This means that I am constantly holding clothes up to him to try and gauge whether I should be buying 0-3, 3-6 or even 6-9 month clothes.  

So, in the hope that this will be vaguely useful at some point these are my "findings" so far.

H&M baby clothes (not unlike their adult clothes) are very small! Bumble has almost outgrown 6-9 months at 12 weeks... One exception - their superb socks (no I'm not on commission!) which are roughly as advertised! 

M&S again follow their adult clothes and are on the large side.  Bumble is still comfortably in 0-3 and some of these are a little big!

Next are great for long, slim babies like Bumble and they are probably the most realistic age wise, we hit 3-6 months about 2 weeks ago!

Morrisons - similar to Next but a touch bigger!  Their newborn stuff was the only newborn clothing that fit Bumble.

Sainsburys - I love Tu baby clothes - really good selection for boys and the 0-1 month size was perfect for Bumble in his first weeks.  Now in 3-6 but with plenty of room.

Tesco - I've found these a bit small but not too bad and great for real basics.

Asda - these are very short (and wide)!  Again Bumble is almost out of 6-9 months lengthwise but these are very baggy width wise.

Mamas & Papas - like M&S these are generally on the big side - we're still in 0-3!

Jojo Maman Bebe - these are lovely clothes but just not designed for long, slim babies so just don't fit Bumble well.  I'm sure for babies whose weight and length line up better (Bumble is only 70th centile for weight) these would be fab.

One other one to mention for the longer, slimmer baby is the Dutch chain Hema who have just opened some London stores and have plans to spread out across the UK this year.  We were very kindly sent a load of things for Bumble by a Dutch friend and they are great for him (in fact the sleeves are even a bit long on him rather than the usual between wrist and elbow long sleeves!).  I'm looking forward to them opening anywhere "up North". 

Bumble in his Tu dino suit when he was less than 24hrs old! 

Top 5 baby bits

So, in the last 12 weeks I've found some stuff that we have for Bumble has been absolutely amazing (and some stuff that's a complete waste of time/money/effort).  

These are my 5 things I wouldn't be without:

1.  Tommee Tippee Perfect Prep machine - perfect bottles in 2 minutes flat.  If you are bottle feeding this is worth it's weight in gold, especially at 2 am with a screaming baby who has suddenly decided that they are on the verge of starvation...or at least that's how Bumble used to sound!

2.  H&M baby socks - come in packs of 2 pairs for £2.50 - they are thick, soft (no marks on Bumble's legs/ankles) and best of all, they don't come off!!!

3. Next bibs (or any that are thick, triangular and fasten with Velcro) - bibs that use poppers are a nightmare to take off/put on one handed.

4. Lansinoh nipple cream - all the others I tried were useless - this one is amazing stuff!

5. A lamb skin - yup an actual lamb skin! A good friend bought Bumble this as he was proving difficult to settle in his Moses basket - it works a treat! Now he's happy to go down without "lamby", he uses it for all his daytime naps (he outgrew his Carrycot about 3 weeks ago - Bumble is a very long baby!). 

Bumble enjoying "lamby" aged 7 weeks!

Anyway, another time I'll have a go at essentials and "what not to buy"! 

Confessions of a bottle-feeding mum...

Before I even start I want to clarify a couple of things:

1. I fully, totally, 100% understand why breastfeeding is best - I devoted many hours when Bumble was a bump to reading about breastfeeding, it's benefits for mum and baby and how to go about it.
2. I really, really wanted to breastfeed Bumble, if not for the recommended 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding, then certainly until 4 months, when we will start to think about weaning (more on that in another post).
3. I know that the NHS has to campaign for and "sell" breastfeeding because it is the best for babies.

There is a problem though, that no-one mentions when you are pregnant - breastfeeding does not work out for all mums.  In the ante-natal classes I attended, there was barely a mention of bottle feeding except as a "you can express if you want after 4 weeks" throwaway line.  Even when speaking to my, very experienced, midwife breastfeeding was assumed ("so you'll be breastfeeding won't you?") and bottle feeding was only mentioned as a (very poor) second choice.  

Now, as I said, I'd read books, leaflets, articles etc. about breastfeeding before Bumble arrived and I was aware that establishing breastfeeding is often difficult but rather naively I assumed that with perseverance and determination we would crack it and all would be well...

However, after Bumble arrived it rapidly became apparent that a) he found breastfeeding very difficult (he was later diagnosed with, and treated for, a tongue tie) and that b) demand waaaaayyy outstripped supply (best guess as to why my milk never "came in" is that I had a significant post-partum bleed).    Despite these two very evident truths, we were

still advised to keep going with breastfeeding - the end result of this was a baby who lost a lot of weight and became dehydrated, not to mention parents at their wits end.  

At 4 days, after some very sensible advice from a midwife at the local hospital, we gave Bumble his first bottle of formula and the poor baby wasn't hungry or thirsty for the first time in his little life (he'd cried himself hoarse he was so beside himself...).

At 8 days I realised that trying to feed him every time he was hungry, then having to top up with a bottle was completely unsustainable for a variety of reasons and so, for the rest of his first 4 weeks, I breastfed once a day and gave him formula the rest of the time.  Since then he has been (happily) completely formula fed.  Meanwhile, I spent the first two weeks of Bumble's life feeling horribly guilty that it hadn't worked out and "getting over" the feeling that I had let him down.

And therein lies the problem.  Breastfeeding is sold and pushed at every opportunity, for reasons that I completely understand, but whilst I'm sure that it does mean that more mums breastfeed (I assume that unless this were the case, the funding would have been scrapped long ago!) it also means that many, many mums who wanted to breastfeed and found that they couldn't for whatever reason have to deal with this immense guilt whilst also trying to care for their newborn baby and deal with post partum hormones etc.  

I don't have a solution - breastfeeding is best for mums and babies - I have read the journal articles and seen the stats.  Given that this is the case, the NHS has to promote it but, the immense pressure I felt to breastfeed simply made a distressing situation that much worse.

Now, Bumble is a happy, healthy 12 week old who has put weight on beautifully and sleeps really well (fingers crossed that this continues!).  He has hit his milestones slightly early and is generally a chilled out baby.  In hindsight, the distress I felt about giving him formula (which I really did see as a poor second) was pointless - and as our NCT leader pointed out - the key thing is that you are feeding your baby something!  If I'm really honest, I'm even relieved that it didn't work out as it has meant that Bumble's dad has been able (and very happy) to take care of Bumble for longer periods and give me some time away! 

Going Solo

So Bumble's Dad is going on a stag do, for the whole weekend, in Dundee (about a 5 hour drive away)!  This means that for the first time, Bumble and I are going solo overnight.  When this was weekend was planned,  I was still in the late stages of pregnancy and figured (naively) that 3 months is a long time and that by now I'd be totally on top of things but now it's here, I'm terrified and 48hrs without any form of break sounds like a horrendously long time!  

Now I can't really complain, Bumble is a very chilled out baby who (touch wood) usually sleeps right through from 8pm to 6am (no, I don't mention this to other mums very often) but the idea of having no back up (all our family is on the other side of the Pennines, which is a more challenging distance than you'd think given that this is the weekend that the Tour De France hits Yorkshire and cripples the road network) is pretty scary.  

Bumble's dad is often out for 10 or 11 hours during the day and I have to say, by the time he gets back at 6ish I'm usually knackered and ready to hand Bumble over and retire to the kitchen to cook dinner in peace.  I'll be honest, I am worried that after 48 hours, knackered will be a distant memory and I will have completely lost my mind.

I do know that I have to do it sometime, that there are going to be events where one of us has to be away and the other parent will have to go it alone for a few days but I'm not convinced that I'm ready for it just yet...  But cometh the hour, cometh the mummy!?!  

UPDATE: I guess the answer is a resounding "No!" - the hour came, as did the complete panic and Bumble's Dad very kindly agreed to stay home... 

What I Wish I'd Known

I have a few friends in the late stages of their first pregnancies and therefore wanted to come up with a personal baby shower gift.  Now, unfortunately, I am definitely not the creative type so I quickly ruled out nappy cakes and the like.  During a conversation about the magic of cars for sending 8 week old babies to sleep, hubby came up with the perfect solution (he's handy like that) - a list of things I wish I'd known before Bumble arrived.  So here are my Top 10:

1.  Window - is Bumble's best friend.  Window is often preferable to Mummy, Daddy, food or sleep.  Window  has the power to calm Bumble when all else has failed.  For a change of pace "Other Window" (in Bumble's nursery) is just as interesting as is "Magic Window" (the TV) which is especially entertaining when it has injured rugby players rolling around on it.

2. Vomit - I know it sounds stupid but I didn't know that about once a week babies vom in the style of the kid out of the Exorcist - the first time it happened I cried my eyes out completely convinced that Bumble must be terribly upset/in pain/dying.  11 weeks (and 6, yes I'm still counting, episodes later) I've realised that actually the worst thing about it is the fact that I invariably need to change all Bumble's clothes, all my clothes and probably the bed (he seems to choose bedtime or 4am for these events!).

3. The physical aftermath - avoiding any gory details I wish someone had told me how rough you feel after giving birth even if, like me, you are lucky enough to escape any form of intervention.  It is debilitating for at least a fortnight and recovering (and working out how to survive!) is the only things to do in those first, extremely difficult days!  Get everyone who comes round to make their own drinks (and yours) and accept any offers of help - particularly if that help arrives in the form of food!

4.  There is always more wind - baby crying?  Don't know why?  Tried feeding, changing and winding?  It will be wind, it's just refusing to leave!  Try leg cycling or pushing knees to chest.

5. Take the small wins - having a shower, getting dressed or managing to make a cup of tea are all cause for celebration in the first fortnight.

6.  An achievement a day helps - pick small tasks to define as achievements - making Hubby's lunch was my achievement for the day - if I managed to get 5 minutes where Bumble would allow me to make his lunch I'd had a successful day and could therefore cope better with everything!

7. Don't have guests on the first day home (even grandparents can wait) and don't be afraid to kick people out.  Hubby was great at this, clearing the house within seconds on multiple occasions.  It is a great job for the OH or any reliable family member who you don't want to leave (in my case hubby was the only one I didn't evict at some point!).

8. Go out - even if it's just to test drive the pram going round the block and even if you really, really don't want to!  It sounds patronising but fresh air really does help (and supposedly, going out at some point between noon and 4pm helps baby learn night from day so you may get the bonus of a baby who sleeps when you want them to!).

9. Babies make weird noises - again, I know it sounds stupid but even breathing sounded like an effort in the first weeks and I worried constantly about it (we even ended up in A&E because I was convinced Bumble couldn't breathe and hubby humoured me...).  Obviously if you are worried this is not one to ignore or google - just go and ask the doc, health visitor, midwife whoever makes you feel reassured!

10. Don't listen to advice - yes I know I've just written a page of it but truly your instincts will serve you well on the whole and often those offering advice are 20+ years out of date in their baby knowledge!

Kiddicare also started a discussion about this on Twitter using #wiwik, so if you fancy seeing what some other people wish they'd known, check it out.

Know too that it improves, quickly!