3 things you should never say to a Mother

        

There are a couple of things random people in the street, at baby groups, in restaurants or even outside our front door say to me week in, week out that are really getting annoying.

1. You've got your hands full

This seems to be a reaction to the small age gap between my boys - I currently have a 23 month old and a 3 month old. This to me implies either that my boys are in some way not behaving as expected (and when this is the case I certainly don't need it highlighting when I'm trying to deal with it) or that I am in some way unaware that parenting a young toddler and a baby simultaneously might, on occasion, be challenging.  Let me assure you that I have in fact noticed this.  Sometimes I do, quite literally, have my hands full but most of the time actually it's tiring but very good fun!

2. Did you want them so close?

What a question. You're basically asking if we know how to use contraception or if R2 was the result of a failure of said

contraception. To be clear, we do and he wasn't but I shouldn't have to discuss either of these points with strangers in the  street/supermarket/baby group.

This is also dangerous ground - you don't know if a couple struggled to conceive or had a specific reason for needing their children to be close. It's also absolutely nobody's business but the couple's.

3. Are you going to try again for a girl?

This is just beyond me. Firstly, genders are not a set you have to complete. I have two beautiful, healthy boys - if we choose to have a 3rd child I have absolutely no preference about the gender of that child. Secondly, it implies I should be dissatisfied with my two boys in some way.  This is a continuation of something I found when I was pregnant the second time and knew that I was expecting another boy.  I was frequently asked if I was disappointed that R2 was male and people seemed quite surprised by my response - "No, I am not disappointed that I am having a healthy baby". 

The other problem with this question is that the size of our family is between me and my husband, it is not for people in cafes or supermarkets to question our plans. I only had R2 3 months ago, I have only just got used to having two children - the idea of whether or not in a year or two we might add to that is just beyond me at the moment so I couldn't even answer if I wanted to.

I am a pretty open person and happily discuss these issues with my close friends but I would suggest that those people who have never met me or my family before yet find it reasonable to ask about the most intimate areas of my life might be better off thinking of something positive or supportive to say about my two perfect boys. 

And then there were four...

So, R2 arrived almost 4 weeks ago, fashionably late just like his older brother and following a slightly more challenging birth (everyone told be the second would be easier...total rubbish in my case!).  When I told people I was pregnant again, those with two (or more!) kids were split into two clearly defined camps: the "two is more than two" group and the "zero to one is harder than one to two" group.  The former spent a lot of time telling me that having two kids under two is more like starting your own nursery, alone, with no training than being a parent and the latter spent a lot of time reassuring me that actually adding an extra child doesn't double (or worse!) the work load! Almost 4 weeks in, I'm currently a member of the second group.  I found first time parenthood excruciatingly difficult and this time has been easier - I'm more confident and when R2 is being newborn draining, I have my cheery, busy, endlessly engaging Bumble to focus on. Bumble is absolutely besotted with R2, even if he does sometimes find it frustrating that my need to feed R2 interferes with his need for me to play kitchens/build a train track/pick him up right NOW! I am scared about going solo next week with my OH goes back to work after nearly a month of hols & paternity leave - by this time next week I might have changed camps, but I hope not! 

Bumble is going to be a big brother...

So, having spent the best part of a year on the quest for our Bumble, R2 (bump number 2) was very quick to come by, instant in fact! I have spent the first 37 weeks of this pregnancy telling everyone how easy it has been compared to the first one - hubris right? So finished for mat leave this last week and ended up being admitted for a transverse lie yesterday at exactly 37 weeks. Plan is to try and turn this baby on Monday, if it works, I can go home, if not I have to stay until a) he turns himself or b) I have a c-section at 39 weeks. To say that I miss Bumble (now a thriving 18 month old), and Bumble's Dad of course, is a massive understatement. Being in hospital might be worse than prison; I can't leave, I can't sleep because of the screaming newborns/labouring women/fussy midwives and I theoretically have a choice over whether or not to be here... I say theoretically because it's a totally cr*p choice: stay here for potentially upwards of 2 weeks when the risk of something happening is about 1% (and probably lose my mind!) or go home and if the 1% thing happens, the chance of R2 having a life changing injury or even dying is all too real, living as we do 20 mins from the nearest hospital.  Still can't reach a decision about what to do - I know that probably makes me a horrible person but a 1% risk is very low, but even a tiny chance with life is surely too big... So here I am, a very lapsed Anglican, praying to whatever deity may or may not be up there, that this baby decides that his head should actually be in my pelvis, not under my ribs... Keep everything crossed.

UPDATE: R2 dis his 90' shift after 2 days in hospital so I was allowed home to "await the onset of labour"... As with Bumble, this didn't happen and I ended up being induced at term + 13(at 1am!!!) after 22hrs of induction and another 13hrs in labour, with the assistance of forceps, I had a healthy, 10lb 1oz baby boy exactly 2 weeks late!