Confessions of a bottle-feeding mum...

Before I even start I want to clarify a couple of things:

1. I fully, totally, 100% understand why breastfeeding is best - I devoted many hours when Bumble was a bump to reading about breastfeeding, it's benefits for mum and baby and how to go about it.
2. I really, really wanted to breastfeed Bumble, if not for the recommended 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding, then certainly until 4 months, when we will start to think about weaning (more on that in another post).
3. I know that the NHS has to campaign for and "sell" breastfeeding because it is the best for babies.

There is a problem though, that no-one mentions when you are pregnant - breastfeeding does not work out for all mums.  In the ante-natal classes I attended, there was barely a mention of bottle feeding except as a "you can express if you want after 4 weeks" throwaway line.  Even when speaking to my, very experienced, midwife breastfeeding was assumed ("so you'll be breastfeeding won't you?") and bottle feeding was only mentioned as a (very poor) second choice.  

Now, as I said, I'd read books, leaflets, articles etc. about breastfeeding before Bumble arrived and I was aware that establishing breastfeeding is often difficult but rather naively I assumed that with perseverance and determination we would crack it and all would be well...

However, after Bumble arrived it rapidly became apparent that a) he found breastfeeding very difficult (he was later diagnosed with, and treated for, a tongue tie) and that b) demand waaaaayyy outstripped supply (best guess as to why my milk never "came in" is that I had a significant post-partum bleed).    Despite these two very evident truths, we were

still advised to keep going with breastfeeding - the end result of this was a baby who lost a lot of weight and became dehydrated, not to mention parents at their wits end.  

At 4 days, after some very sensible advice from a midwife at the local hospital, we gave Bumble his first bottle of formula and the poor baby wasn't hungry or thirsty for the first time in his little life (he'd cried himself hoarse he was so beside himself...).

At 8 days I realised that trying to feed him every time he was hungry, then having to top up with a bottle was completely unsustainable for a variety of reasons and so, for the rest of his first 4 weeks, I breastfed once a day and gave him formula the rest of the time.  Since then he has been (happily) completely formula fed.  Meanwhile, I spent the first two weeks of Bumble's life feeling horribly guilty that it hadn't worked out and "getting over" the feeling that I had let him down.

And therein lies the problem.  Breastfeeding is sold and pushed at every opportunity, for reasons that I completely understand, but whilst I'm sure that it does mean that more mums breastfeed (I assume that unless this were the case, the funding would have been scrapped long ago!) it also means that many, many mums who wanted to breastfeed and found that they couldn't for whatever reason have to deal with this immense guilt whilst also trying to care for their newborn baby and deal with post partum hormones etc.  

I don't have a solution - breastfeeding is best for mums and babies - I have read the journal articles and seen the stats.  Given that this is the case, the NHS has to promote it but, the immense pressure I felt to breastfeed simply made a distressing situation that much worse.

Now, Bumble is a happy, healthy 12 week old who has put weight on beautifully and sleeps really well (fingers crossed that this continues!).  He has hit his milestones slightly early and is generally a chilled out baby.  In hindsight, the distress I felt about giving him formula (which I really did see as a poor second) was pointless - and as our NCT leader pointed out - the key thing is that you are feeding your baby something!  If I'm really honest, I'm even relieved that it didn't work out as it has meant that Bumble's dad has been able (and very happy) to take care of Bumble for longer periods and give me some time away! 

Going Solo

So Bumble's Dad is going on a stag do, for the whole weekend, in Dundee (about a 5 hour drive away)!  This means that for the first time, Bumble and I are going solo overnight.  When this was weekend was planned,  I was still in the late stages of pregnancy and figured (naively) that 3 months is a long time and that by now I'd be totally on top of things but now it's here, I'm terrified and 48hrs without any form of break sounds like a horrendously long time!  

Now I can't really complain, Bumble is a very chilled out baby who (touch wood) usually sleeps right through from 8pm to 6am (no, I don't mention this to other mums very often) but the idea of having no back up (all our family is on the other side of the Pennines, which is a more challenging distance than you'd think given that this is the weekend that the Tour De France hits Yorkshire and cripples the road network) is pretty scary.  

Bumble's dad is often out for 10 or 11 hours during the day and I have to say, by the time he gets back at 6ish I'm usually knackered and ready to hand Bumble over and retire to the kitchen to cook dinner in peace.  I'll be honest, I am worried that after 48 hours, knackered will be a distant memory and I will have completely lost my mind.

I do know that I have to do it sometime, that there are going to be events where one of us has to be away and the other parent will have to go it alone for a few days but I'm not convinced that I'm ready for it just yet...  But cometh the hour, cometh the mummy!?!  

UPDATE: I guess the answer is a resounding "No!" - the hour came, as did the complete panic and Bumble's Dad very kindly agreed to stay home... 

What I Wish I'd Known

I have a few friends in the late stages of their first pregnancies and therefore wanted to come up with a personal baby shower gift.  Now, unfortunately, I am definitely not the creative type so I quickly ruled out nappy cakes and the like.  During a conversation about the magic of cars for sending 8 week old babies to sleep, hubby came up with the perfect solution (he's handy like that) - a list of things I wish I'd known before Bumble arrived.  So here are my Top 10:

1.  Window - is Bumble's best friend.  Window is often preferable to Mummy, Daddy, food or sleep.  Window  has the power to calm Bumble when all else has failed.  For a change of pace "Other Window" (in Bumble's nursery) is just as interesting as is "Magic Window" (the TV) which is especially entertaining when it has injured rugby players rolling around on it.

2. Vomit - I know it sounds stupid but I didn't know that about once a week babies vom in the style of the kid out of the Exorcist - the first time it happened I cried my eyes out completely convinced that Bumble must be terribly upset/in pain/dying.  11 weeks (and 6, yes I'm still counting, episodes later) I've realised that actually the worst thing about it is the fact that I invariably need to change all Bumble's clothes, all my clothes and probably the bed (he seems to choose bedtime or 4am for these events!).

3. The physical aftermath - avoiding any gory details I wish someone had told me how rough you feel after giving birth even if, like me, you are lucky enough to escape any form of intervention.  It is debilitating for at least a fortnight and recovering (and working out how to survive!) is the only things to do in those first, extremely difficult days!  Get everyone who comes round to make their own drinks (and yours) and accept any offers of help - particularly if that help arrives in the form of food!

4.  There is always more wind - baby crying?  Don't know why?  Tried feeding, changing and winding?  It will be wind, it's just refusing to leave!  Try leg cycling or pushing knees to chest.

5. Take the small wins - having a shower, getting dressed or managing to make a cup of tea are all cause for celebration in the first fortnight.

6.  An achievement a day helps - pick small tasks to define as achievements - making Hubby's lunch was my achievement for the day - if I managed to get 5 minutes where Bumble would allow me to make his lunch I'd had a successful day and could therefore cope better with everything!

7. Don't have guests on the first day home (even grandparents can wait) and don't be afraid to kick people out.  Hubby was great at this, clearing the house within seconds on multiple occasions.  It is a great job for the OH or any reliable family member who you don't want to leave (in my case hubby was the only one I didn't evict at some point!).

8. Go out - even if it's just to test drive the pram going round the block and even if you really, really don't want to!  It sounds patronising but fresh air really does help (and supposedly, going out at some point between noon and 4pm helps baby learn night from day so you may get the bonus of a baby who sleeps when you want them to!).

9. Babies make weird noises - again, I know it sounds stupid but even breathing sounded like an effort in the first weeks and I worried constantly about it (we even ended up in A&E because I was convinced Bumble couldn't breathe and hubby humoured me...).  Obviously if you are worried this is not one to ignore or google - just go and ask the doc, health visitor, midwife whoever makes you feel reassured!

10. Don't listen to advice - yes I know I've just written a page of it but truly your instincts will serve you well on the whole and often those offering advice are 20+ years out of date in their baby knowledge!

Kiddicare also started a discussion about this on Twitter using #wiwik, so if you fancy seeing what some other people wish they'd known, check it out.

Know too that it improves, quickly!